This season's Midwinter Book

It's become a bit of a personal tradition to do a special journal around the holidays. I call it the Midwinter Book. It's not like a lot of pretty holiday journals I see online, it's often more about writing than anything else, but I like the idea of having a book that is centered around my time offlline in the middle of the winter (even if  again we have no winter to speak of this year, sigh).

I chose a store bought pretty notebook that I got last June with one of the many gift certificates I got for my birthday. It's very cute and was also very portable to take with me everywhere I went:

Most of the spreads look like below. Lots of writing and some stickers for decoration. I won't bore you with all of those spreads. The writing is mostly too personal anyway, haha.  

And here's a selection of the more visual pages:

  

I did not do a lot of arting in my vacation, most of it was quick sketches and collages and some bits and bobs here and there. My christmas vacation is mostly meant for reflecting and such and I did do a lot of that, but it does not make for pretty pictures. 

I did take a lot of photographs in my vacation and most of the visual pages in this book look like the above spread with the photos on it, but I will show you a selection of the best pictures directly in seperate posts, like I did in the previous seals post. They look better that way, especially since the light is abysmal right now for taking pics of a journal (as you can see by the grainy quality of the above shots).

Anyway, the book is full now and I'm back to my regular journal, good old Flora. ;-) 

Hope you enjoyed this peek into my Midwinter Book and I wish you all a lovely and artsy day!

 

For everybody who needs a big chunk of cuteness...

...I have just the thing.

Seals!

I dare you not to squeal with delight. ;-)

A brand new year - choosing a theme for 2015

Hello my blogsy people!

After  a little over two weeks of lots of free time and very little work I started working again this week and am slowly getting back into the daily routine, well...as much of a routine as I can manage, since I'm not really good with routines.

My vacation was over way too quickly and I feel like I just got started settling into the relaxing spirit that is time without plans. But such is life and I won't allow myself to complain, because as you know my workweeks are ridiculously short (only three days, Tuesday to Thursday) and my weekends therefore ridiculously long, so every week I have a mini vacation anyway. ;-)

Some vacations are more relaxing than others though and I must say I had a bit of trouble really calming down this time. My head was full of thoughts and my heart full of feelings and sometimes it's just too busy in there, no matter how much I am enjoying myself doing the things I love.

So I did a lot of thinking and writing (next to a lot of sleeping, walking, reading, photographing and arting) and that is always a good thing even if it stirs things a bit too much on the inside. I really believe in being truthful with yourself on the page so you can see what's going on in your life and deal with it, but that's not always a comfortable thing.

My life is good by the way, make no mistake about it, but I have noticed that there were some things bothering me and ironically enough they had to do with the same thing I dealt with at the end of 2013. It's the everlasting conflict between ego en joy, or maybe it's the conflict between the things you think you want and the things you really need. I'm not sure, maybe it's both.

In my last post I wrote about my wonderful experiences with the word 'open' as my word of the year for 2014. This vacation I dealt with the shadow side of open, which is maybe being a bit too open to new things and saying 'yes' when you really should be saying 'no'.

Two very specific examples of this I mentioned in my last post as proud 'achievements' (not really the right word), they are the joining of a pop choir and the illustration project I was asked to do. I already mentioned in that same post that both things were kind of scary too and truth be told they weighed on me. I'm not afraid to do scary things, but choices have consequences and I have to be able to at least look forward to most of those.

For both things I was asked by other people and here's where the ego comes in as in 'Ooh, they want me, they think I can do this, I must be good, yay me!'. And of course I was being asked for things that in theory sound really lovely. Who doesn't want to illustrate and actual book and be published? Who wouldn't love to spend time singing with lovely people? I love singing, I love children's books!

But gradually the first rush goes away and you start to see what such a thing really entails and how it does not match your personality and the way you want to live your life. The singing for instance is every Thursday night and you are (rightfully so) expected to also practice at home and of course there would be performances from time to time. That all sounds not so bad, except when you're me and all you can muster is your book club which comes together only once a month! I knew at some point I would see this whole thing as a chore and that's not what it's supposed to be about.

The illustration project was a great ego boost, but when working on it I did not enjoy myself as much as I had hoped. And I know exactly why. It's not that I can't do the work. I had done several finished illustrations already and a ton of preliminary sketches and they loved them. The trouble is in the source of the work, it did not come from me. I was complementing the ideas of other people. It was a lovely little fairy tale that took place on this island, but it was somebody else's story and it was coordinated by yet another person and supported by yet someone else.
I already have a problem with journal prompts!  Why did I think I would find joy in the images and ideas in somebody else's mind? So this project really weighed on me more and more and I was struggling to find the will to work on it. And that is not why I do art.

There is a reason I'm not a professional artist. It's not because I can't put in the effort  or because of fears. Not that I'm fearless, but I have done many scary things in my life and I know I have plenty courage to work through my fears. It's because I don't enjoy doing this art thing for anyone but myself. It doesn't matter if it's paid (this was a volunteer project by the way), it doesn't matter if it gets published, it doesn't matter if it would bring some recognition that I crave (and yes I do).

My art is a personal practice, a way to express myself, it's not an ambition. It's not work at all. It's play. I don't consider it a hobby either, not something I do on the side. It really is a personal practice as important as maybe prayer or daily meditation is to religious people.  I fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum between professionals and hobbyists and that's a tricky place to be, because people will keep asking me when I will 'do' something with my art and this affects me whether I like it or not. I am doing it people!

Professional artists will have to juggle the balance between what they want to do and what their public wants or they won't make a living (unless they are really lucky). Professional artists will have to deal with the business side of selling and maintaining a livelihood on their art. They will have to do their own PR, their own finances, their own management. I don't want to live that way. I don't want to art that way. It's just not me.

So right at the end of my vacation I even surprised myself when I decided to say no after already having said yes. It was a very hard thing to do and I felt really bad about it. A lot more about the illustration project than the choir by the way. I felt like I let people down and broke given promises and I think part of my vacation stress stems from the fact that I found it hard to really let this go and actually just say no. But I did it. And I'm glad. And the only thing I'm sorry about is that I said yes in the first place and stepped right into that ego trap and consequently let people down.

This is a hard lesson to learn. To make the choices that are not popular, that are unexpected and don't follow the path most people would jump at to take. But it has to be done and to my wonderful surprise when I carefully explained myself to the people involved they all responded with such understanding that I felt better immediately. Phew!

I do think however that next time 'just say no' is the way to go when someone asks me to do something for them art wise or commitment wise. I'm not talking about small favours or doing something nice for someone, I'm talking long term commitments that take up too much of my personal time or take away from my joy in art making.

And that leads me to my word for 2015 (bet you thought I'd never get there!).

I have been thinking of way to express the need to stay close to yourself and to stand for who you are even, or especially, if it distances you from popular opinions and paths. I do follow my own path, but I still have a tendency to jump too easily into things that may not suit me if the request flatters me. And there is that everlasting itch that if everybody wants to go pro I should too, except that... I shouldn't. ;-)

Another tendency I have is to stray from the center of things. I'm not sure how to explain that properly. What I mean is that I will have an idea and I let it snowball into something so big that I can't see the forest for the trees. I need to focus on what things are instead of what they could be or might become. Maybe it also has to do a little with being in the present.

I also have the tendency to think for other people, explain myself too much to them, to worry about what they think and to maybe be a bit shy about who I am in public. In the end their thoughts and opinions are really not my concern. I really want to take more pleasure in my own personality, even if I'm the introverted not so outgoing type I want to cherish that. I want to be present in my own life as me, if that makes any sense. It's not like I'm absent now or anything, but I am so easily influenced in my moods (not so much in my actions thank god) and I want to work on that.

I couldn't really find a fitting word, but I did come up with a sentence that sprung to mind after I thought about all this and it's 'Don't leave home' . It's a theme more than a word.  It's again a very multifaceted theme (like 'open' was for me last year), because it can stand for all the above, but also very literally mean to work with what you have in your own house, to enjoy the place you live more, to get back to the basics that is you and really stick with that.

I look forward to seeing what this theme will bring me this year, I'll keep you posted.

I also look forward to reading your ideas about this, about the coming year and maybe you have a word or a theme too. One of the commenters on my last post even chose 'open' for her coming year. How cool is that? I happen to know that's a good word!

I wish all of you a wonderful and artsy new year in which you get everything you need and more than you could possibly hope for!


PS - the photographs in this post were taken the week before Christmas in our town's main street.

Reflection: looking back on an 'open' year (and announcing my annual blog break)

It's December. Christmas is almost here and the year is coming to an end. I know it's a cliché, but really...where does the time go? I swear Christmas was just last month, but somehow twelve months have passed when I wasn't paying attention, except....I was paying attention and still it breezed on by!

It's also the time of year for looking back and reflecting on the year gone by and preparing for the year to come. That's what this post is all about. It may become one of those longwinded ones, so be prepared. You might want to get a cup of tea or something. Go on, I'll wait... ;-)

As has been my custom for the last few years, instead of having a ton of new year's resolutions (which usually leads to nothing) I pick a word to serve as a sort of red thread or general theme for the entire year. I have been mostly inspired to do this by Quinn McDonald, who writes extensively about it on her blog, but there's plenty of other people out there who do the same.

The first time I did this in 2012 it really didn't work well, because I chose something that was not really matching my life or my nature: 'flamboyance'. It was more a the-grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side type of word. Something I would love to be, but just am not. The end. Oh well, a good lesson to learn I suppose...

In 2013 I chose a very good word indeed: 'artist'. It just did not lead to what I expected, which was very interesting by the way and in no way diminishes to value of the word itself. You can read all about that in my end of the year post of 2013, that you can find here. I just want to stress that sometimes a word you choose can take a different turn than you wanted it to take. This is a good thing, but not always a happy thing.

For this year, 2014, I picked the word 'open'. You can read all about the reasons for that word here so I won't get into that, but let me tell you that I am slowly getting better at picking my words! It seems my words work better if they represent a type of behaviour I want to practice more than if they represent a very specific purpose. A general theme is better for me than a concise goal, if that makes any sense.

Anyway, so I chose 'open' and it has been quite a ride! I already knew open would be a very multifaceted word and that's what I liked about it. Also 'open' moves in two directions. I mean that on the one hand I can be more open to things outside of me coming in, but I can also be more open from the inside out. Both ways have been happening this year and then some! Mostly I wanted to use the word as an antidote to my control freakyness, my need to plan every detail and be in charge of everything, my need to know exactly what outcome will come from every action I take. In short: I really needed to loosen up a little!

Let's look back on 2014 and see what this word has given me:

First of all just a lot of fun things happened. The simplest version of 'open' is simply to be open to new things. For the first time I visited places on my island I had never been before just to see what they looked like. I took the bus to the west side more often and found out how much I am missing by doing that so rarely. I went hiking off my personal beaten path, I simply went exploring more instead of going to familiar places. It was wonderful and gave me a whole new appreciation of this place I call home, and it's not like I ever take this place for granted.

I went on a couple of vacations and trips to new places. An island I had never been before, Ameland, which stunned me with its beauty. I went on a city vacation to Amsterdam in the fall, where I never go. I even found out that we have a pretty good public transport connection to Amsterdam, so I can just go back and forth in a day if I want to and be there for an afternoon. Who knew?
I also took a short city trip with two other ladies and I never travel with other people! By the way, it proved to me why I don't do that, haha. It was fun, but more a social event than an opportunity to really explore a place the way I like to.
I visited new to me museums, saw new to me artists. Not a lot (that's just not feasible for me), but still...a good thing to do.

Even the week house sitting for my sister in the spring was a different experience than usual. That was born out of necessity. I hurt my foot so I couldn't walk long distances, so I had to bike my way around and that opened up a whole new way of seeing the area she lives (which is also the area I originally come from). I have never biked so much in my life in such a short time! I'm talking rides of 30 to 60 kilometers!

When it comes to my art 'open' has also served me well. I stepped away from plans and to do lists and artsy goals and simply tried to do what I felt like doing without strings attached. When I say 'simply' I of course don't mean it was easy in any way, oh no!  If there's one thing I excel at it is putting high demands on myself and expecting way more from me than is humanly possible. But we don't have to listen as hard to our own expectations as we think we do. It really is possible to ignore yourself if yourself is being obnoxious, even if it makes you very uncomfortable. And yes, there have been several times in the past year when it was really hard for me to believe in my own need for letting these expectations go. What helped me a little was taking up art forms that take patience. Things like big doodle drawings that fill an entire page, things like hand stitched journal covers, things like more meticulous drawings of nature. When you do things like that productivity takes on a whole new meaning and becomes more about quality than quantity, which is exactly what I needed (and still need).

My journaling has been a complete pleasure for me this year. After struggling with the White Book last year this year was a journey of try outs, freedom and fun. I think I filled four or five journals, all of them in a very loose way. I came up with the notebook journal, to get the pressure off, a simple cheap lined (!) notebook with low expectations where I let go of the need to make everything visually attractive. My journals became much more a hold all of all kinds of things I felt like doing and putting in. It made for less pretty journals, but also for a much better journaling experience.

My coolest journal experience this year was of course joining International Fake Journal Month in April. Boy, was that fun! I learned so much from that. Pretending to be somebody else and then filling a journal as her was very freeing indeed. It was also a great way to implement my word of the year, because I had been wanting to do this for years and never did, but now in the year of 'open' I felt I could no longer let it pass by without joining. I had to open myself up to the experience. A good choice.

When it comes to the blog I have also tried to be a bit more open. I don't know if this always came through, but I have tried to include more daily stuff by blogging from my phone sometimes. Unfortunately the blogger app had an update a few months ago and now it no longer works the way I want it to (I can't add pictures, help!), so I had to give that up. I hope they fix that soon. I have also tried to be a bit more loose in a blogging sense and no longer feel like I have to write my posts the moment I want to publish them. I do a lot more preplanned posts and have found a comfortable rhythm by trying to publish something every three days. I usually write my posts once a week now.

I have shared a bit more about my experiences in working less and trying to let go of some online sites that were eating up too much of my time. I chucked things like pinterest, instagram and yahoo and it has been freeing indeed. I have given myself permission not to keep up religiously with every blog I love. I just can't, as much as I would like to, because all of you are so fantastically talented. I do drop by from time to time, so it's not like I've forgotten you. I may not comment much, but I am there, promise.

Of course this 'open' year came with plenty of challenges as well. When you choose a word for  a year you can pretty much count on the challenges that accompany it.

Not having very specific plans and time tables and such is very very hard for me. From time to time I still have the need to pick up a time management sheet and plan away. But I have found that the best way to get over that is to just give in to it. Sounds paradoxal? It is! See, the minute I start to plan things out, put everything in it's neat place in time, all my planning allergies come up, I feel trapped by my own need for control and I want to have a ritual burning or something. But of course that fact in itself makes me feel guilty again...like shouldn't I have a plan and a specific goal or something and a neat time schedule? Isn't that what the in control and in charge people do?  It's so complicated in my head, you have no idea! ;-)

But...when I think about what makes me more relaxed it is the idea of just going with the flow, not the idea of having everything neatly planned out in fifteen minute increments and to do lists! So I will keep practicing my need for 'open' time.

Another thing that is challenging for me is to open myself up with/to other people, especially in person (online I find it super easy). So one of the things I've done a bit more of is go to social events and get togethers. Not a lot, you cannot turn an introvert into a socialite, nor do I wish to be, but I don't want to say no anymore all the time, just because I like being at home so much and crowds wear me out. ;-)
One of the latest things I have decided to do is join a pop choir. I have no idea yet how that will turn out, but it seems both fun and a little intimidating. At least I know I can sing, haha.

Much more intimidating is being vulnerable and needing help. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has a hard time asking for help with things. I had been postponing it forever, but just this week I finally asked for help with something huge I cannot do on my own. I talked to a neighbour and was very nervous about it, pretty much imagining them saying something like 'no way!' and what would I do then? It wasn't like I was asking for a cup of sugar or a small favour. I'm talking about a huge project around the house (technically two projects). To my surprise before I knew it, said neighbour got three other people involved and it looks like things will get done somewhere in the coming year! I'm still a bit overwhelmed and honestly quite stunned by this. Of course I know in my head how silly this all is, but there's nothing rational about these fears. Anyway, it was a whole other way of practicing 'open' for me that was quite humbling. 

And then there's the things that are both fun and wonderful and scary and challenging. Things like the fact that a group of local people want to make a children's book and have asked me to illustrate it!  I can't even begin to tell you how mixed my feelings are about this. I want to do it (I have said yes and have already done some sketches and research and stuff), but I also want to hide from it (I won't, but I want to). But I guess 'open' also means being brave and taking an opportunity when it comes knocking even if it's a small local one.

I'm sure I could give many more examples of how this 'open' year has been filling my life and how it has been challenging and scary and just downright wonderful. But I think you get the idea.

It has been a good year folks!

I am now in the process of contemplating another word for the coming year, even though a word like 'open' is capable to last a lifetime. I also think I know which word I will choose, but I will tell you more about that later, because I want to think on it a bit more. And what better time to think than during my annual Christmas vacation?

That's right, I'll be taking my time off again. About two and half weeks of free time! Going as much offline as I can muster and just roam the island, read, write, think and maybe even do some art. I will not be blogging and I will not be facebooking. I will be reachable by mail and I will probably check for comments every now and then and I'll be back on the blog probably around January 9 (no promises).

I hope your year has been as interesting as mine and if you picked a word I'd love to hear how it worked for you. Please leave a comment about it if you want, so others can share your experiences. And if you are picking a word for next year I'd love to read about that too.

For now I'm wishing you wonderful december holiday celebrations (whatever your beliefs or preferences may be)! Thank you for all your support in the past year. You make me very happy!

Composition Collages - A Tutorial

This tutorial has been waiting to happen for months already. I promised to do it ages ago and took the pictures weeks ago, but somehow I just didn't get around to really putting it together. That all changes today: welcome to the Composition Collages Tutorial!

If you don't know what I mean by composition collages you can check some of them here, here or here. They are basically just what they sound like: abstract collaged compositions. They are very relaxing to do and I do believe they train your eyes into seeing harmonic compostions just by practicing abstract arrangements that don't have to mean anything.

Let's get going, shall we?

What you need:

• a substrate (I use a sketchbook, but you can work on paper or cardboard or canvas or whatever)
• paint to colour your background with (I use gouache, but anything goes)
• a brush and water for the paint
• decorative papers, several kinds that go well together
• scissors
• glue (I use a simple glue stick, but if you work on canvas you might prefer an acrylic medium)
• some black markers or pens that will write well on both the paper and the background
• a circle template (this one's optional, perhaps you like to draw and cut your circles by hand, but I'm anal so I need a template, haha)

What you also need is a playful attitude and the realisation that this is supposed to be a fun and loose exercise, not deep meaningful art. Just saying. ;-)

Start by putting colour on your background. I am showing you four pages from the sketchbook so you can see how different backgrounds get different results. The first two are very hodgepodge, let's-get-some-colour-on-there. 

As you can see the second set of pages has more specific shapes. Circles and a grid. I chose my colours to fit the colours of the paper I picked out, but you can totally choose to go for more contrast and see what happens then. Experiment people!

Now it's time to put your substrate aside and get out the paper. I picked four different kinds that matched well. I do love pretty papers!

Now take your scissors and cut that paper up. Cut squares and rectangles and use your circle template (or your less anal cutting skills) to cut circles of different sizes. It's important to get different shapes and sizes. 

I usually stick to rectangles and squares and circles, but there is no reason at all why you shouldn't be cutting diamonds, hearts, stars or whatever you fancy if that's what you want.

When you've cut up your paper put the shapes aside where you can easily see and reach them and get your substrate back on the table.

Now the real fun begins! Pick a bunch of shapes and start arranging them on your backgrounds. There's all kinds of rules for composition, but I would just like to say: put them where you like them and let that be that. ;-)

Try to vary different sizes and shapes to see how they go together.  Don't overthink it. We're not going to win any awards with these compositions, we're just playing. Have fun with it!

If you have come to a composition that you like, glue that stuff down! Now the base of your work is done.

Now it's time for the finishing touches. Get your markers or pens and start outlining the shapes. You can use different marks for different shapes or different marks for the same kinds of papers. You can also outline the page itself as I did above. Or maybe you would like different thicknesses when it comes to your lines. Fine tips or broad tips leave very different marks.

You can draw outside the shapes or on top of them. Experiment and see what you like.

There, you are done! On to the next one?

The fun of this exercise is that you can vary in backgrounds and see what happens to the overall image or you can vary more in the shapes and colours of the paper pieces to see what happens. I've done dozens of these by now and none of them are the same even if they fit together. You can also see what happens if you fill up your page more or keep it very minimal. It's all part of the experiment.

Here's an example of more elaborate and colourful backgrounds for instance: 

Well, I hope you had fun seeing how these composition collages work and I hope that you want to give them a try. You just might like doing them as much as I do. If you do I would love to hear about it, either on or off the blog. My mail addy can be found at my profile on the sidebar, so feel free to mail your results to me. It always makes me happy to see what people come up with through my tutorials. Of course if anything is not clear or you have any questions you can also let me know.

Keep making stuff and have a wonderful and artsy day!